To mark this special day of commercialised affection, I decided to tackle a vanilla topic. If you follow the five languages of love (and have a partner), you will most likely provide your sweetie with a gift or service. For many lucky men, the service of choice is sexual. But what happens if your lover (usually female) does not want to indulge you in a little oral stimulation?
Why won’t she blow?
1. The smell and taste of piss.
In lustful haste, most guys don’t think about the results of residual urine prior to fellatio. Unless there is a specific fetish for pee, the fact that you cock reminds us of a toilet bowl is not going to work in your favour. Check into the bathroom and use a little watered down tissue paper to make it all a little more pleasant.
2. Lack of reciprocity
While I have my own opinions on what ‘vanilla’ is in practice, generally it is considered to be an almost equal, give and take style of relationship. You may claim that you give as often as your partner. A quick lick does not compare to the good 20 minutes she has dedicated to your pleasure.
3. Your ‘reciprocity’ does not satisfy
Female genitalia is highly sensitive and the amount of pressure you enjoy is far too great for her. Add to that the fact that most women are self conscious about their own smell, look and discharge. Reassure her, be gentle and up your own game.
4. Lack of gratitude
The saying “it’s called a job for a reason”, certainly applies when your neck is held in an uncomfortable position and your lower back is screaming in agony. When a service is expected, the provider will view that task as a chore. A simple “thank you” or positive feedback for a service enjoyed can make all the difference to enthusiasm levels the next time around.
5. The taste of ejaculate
The moisture arising from the pleasure of a female usually presents itself as a slow running flow. Any form of squirting is simply urine. Don’t believe me, read the medical literature for yourself. As for male ejaculate, the bulk of the material is expelled as a rather sudden and unappealing, bitter burst of slime. Respect the fact that your partner may not enjoy the taste and kindly release away from her mouth.
6. Unfortunate surprises
In keeping with the last point, many men enjoy the sudden release without providing any warning to their partner. Not only is this considered rude to those who do not enjoy the taste, but can be dangerous. A mouthful of ejaculate as your taking in breaths can result in a choking hazard. Personally, this is the main reason I suddenly stopped all oral service to a previous partner.
7. Cultural taboo
Believe it or not, engaging in fellatio is considered a crime in some countries such as Malaysia. While quite progressive and multicultural, this nation still adheres to certain religious principles view oral sex as an unnatural taboo. Of course, you don’t agree. You must however, respect the practices of your sweetie. Sadly, you can’t do much about this one. Do not pressure or minimise their beliefs, unless you want to start looking for a new partner.
So there you have it. Not all all problems have a simple solution, but a little communication and empathy might set you up for a very enjoyable Valentine’s Day.