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Personal Reflection: Realising My Ex Was A Sub

zcamera-20161123_164759I always thought domination was something I discovered when I took up camming.  After an interesting conversation with my best friend, we discovered this is not the case.

So, let me tell you about a prior relationship.  By appearance, he was what you would consider to be an alpha male; tall, blonde, muscular and enjoyed all the activities of a typical Aussie bloke.  We made an odd pair; with my short stature and dark features.  Nevertheless, when we were together as a couple it was always apparent who took charge.

In a nutshell, I was a bitch and he always came back for more.  I can’t quite explain what fueled my behaviour at the time.  He would pick me up from work, cook for me, clean up and give me amazing massages.  If a meal wasn’t perfect, I would punish him with verbal abuse and expect him to make up for his failure with gifts.  The more he begged for my forgiveness and worked towards improving, the more controlling I became.  One day, he volunteered to take me shopping.  Without realising it, I had maxed out his credit cards.

In the end, I chose to walk away from the relationship simply because I lost interest when we couldn’t mesh on an intellectual level.

Oh, I was a horrid girlfriend!  Still, he begged me for another chance.  While I didn’t enter into a relationship with him, we rekindled our friendship.  He went back to his submissive ways and I made an effort to be a little nicer.  Perhaps I have an internal need to put a loser in his place.  As much as I tried, I just couldn’t help but take charge once again.

At the time, I didn’t know much about the domme/sub world and thought our interaction was unhealthy (for him).  As I had no desire to rein in my controlling ways, I decided to distance myself from him.  From what I hear, his life is now on a confusing path, but I have no interest in opening the lines of communication.  I realise that as a submissive, he needed my input to help him find direction in his life.

Perhaps if we met now, our interaction would take a defined path from the start.  I understand that my thrill of being an alpha female is nothing to be afraid of.  In fact, it is in the best interest of my submissive to follow what I say.

I love being a domme!

 

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